Intel: Clock speed is important because ours is highest.
AMD: Clock speed isn't important because ours isn't highest.
Apple: Our computers come in pretty colours.
Performance rating
Intel: PR ratings are misleading. We said so when Cyrix used them, we say so now AMD uses them. They were OK when we used them, though, because we called them ICOMP ratings.
AMD: PR ratings are a vital tool in helping customers choose our processors because they think they run faster than they really do make an informed choice.
Apple: This one's blue. Nice, isn't it.
Price
Intel: Our chips are cheapest.
AMD: Oh no they're not.
Intel: Oh yes they are.
AMD: Oh no they're… [OK, we get the idea - Ed]
Apple: Our computers are more expensive because they're prettier - especially this pink one. µ